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THE UNFAMILIAR PATH TO SELF-CONNECTION

​by Paola Baharav

The unfamiliar path of reconnecting with our true selves is a journey that often eludes us. When posed with the simple question, “Who are we?” We tend to have a ready-made answer at the tip of our tongues as if it were something we could simply pull out of our pockets. It appears self-evident – we know who we are, don’t we? But do we genuinely know who we are? Can we befriend the fear that holds us from getting to know ourselves from a deeper level? And do we truly understand what self-connection means? All too often, self-love is mistakenly equated with selfishness or a disregard for others. Few of us take the time to ask these profound questions during our lifetimes. Most of us get entangled in the relentless cycle of “doing,” pretending to be in tune with our true selves and our desires when deep down, many of us grapple with confusion and lead unfulfilling lives. We accumulate material possessions, often forgetting that the real source of happiness comes from within and lies in self-love, gratitude, inner abundance, and embracing life--even when it entails pain. We frequently forget how to authentically connect with our true selves to quench our inner thirst. What if we could break free from this cycle? What if we could embark on a journey of self-discovery and find the true source of happiness within ourselves?

 

From the moment we take our first breath, the world around us begins to mold us, shaping us into a version of ourselves that aligns with the expectations of others. Parents, teachers, friends, and society as a whole exert their influence, guiding us down certain paths and away from others. In our quest to fit in and gain acceptance, we often sacrifice the most important relationship of all—the one we have with ourselves.

I firmly believe that each of us inhabits this world with a unique purpose, a distinctive essence that brings into existence. This essence is a seed of potential, waiting to be nurtured and cultivated into something beautiful. However, we encounter obstacles and challenges that can obscure our true nature as we grow. Childhood wounds, traumas, and societal pressures all contribute to the veiling of our authentic selves. Our early experiences profoundly shape us, influencing our beliefs, behaviors, and perceptions of the world. We absorb the energy, words, and facial expressions of those around us, constructing our identities based on the feedback we receive. Genetics may lay the foundation for our personalities, but our experiences and environment sculpt the finer details. Consider a child born with an innate talent – an exceptional gift for singing, painting, or some other talent or talents (which we all have). If their caregivers recognize and nurture this talent, the child will grow up in alignment or at least with some positive level of alignment with this part of their true self, of their essence. They may use and share their gifts with the world, finding fulfillment and joy in their creative expression. In such cases, the path to self-discovery remains relatively unobstructed. Of course, there is much of this inner connection with self, but it starts somewhere in our childhood as we grow up and our brains develop. However, for many of us, the scenario is quite different. Our caregivers, often unintentionally, may suppress our natural talents and gifts. They might discourage us from pursuing our passions, or they may not even acknowledge these gifts at all. As a result, we either forget we possess them or feel shame and inadequacy when confronted with our own abilities. When we are denied the opportunity to connect with our natural talents and authentic selves during our formative years, we become disconnected from our own bodies and innermost being. We inadvertently embody the wishes, fantasies, values, and lifestyle of others, even when these are incongruent with our true selves. We suppress our innate qualities and aspirations to the point of near oblivion.

Reconnecting with ourselves may, at first, feel like an unfamiliar and daunting path to walk. The journey inward can be challenging as we confront the suppressed aspects of our identity and the conditioning that has shaped us. Yet, deep within our hearts, we know this journey is right, aligned, and ultimately fulfilling. There is a profound sense of happiness that accompanies this process of rediscovering those parts of us that have long been dormant or hidden yet we are terrified of exploring the unknown and unfamiliar. As we peel back the layers of societal expectations and old programming, we reveal the essence of who we truly are. We start aligning our lives with our innermost desires and values, and this alignment brings a newfound sense of purpose and joy.

It's important to clarify that my intention here is not to vilify our caregivers and society for the guidance they provide. Much of what we were taught and conditioned to believe may have been well-intentioned. However, it is essential to recognize that many of us walk through life searching for external validation, feeling unfulfilled, and sensing that there is more to our existence than what we have experienced. Yet, we are scared to connect to this later part within us. Many of us yearn to become the best version of ourselves and to share our unique talents and gifts with the world.

In reconnecting with our true selves, we embark on a journey of less resistance, embracing self-acceptance, self-love, and self-compassion. As we open up ourselves to our authenticity, find greater happiness, and also contribute to making this world a more compassionate, accepting, and kind place. Our individual journeys toward self-discovery ripple outward, inspiring others to embark on their paths of reconnection as well. In this way, we collectively work toward creating a world where each person is encouraged to shine in their unique way with respect and grace and where authenticity is celebrated as the highest form of expression. This is not at all about perfection but about befriending ourselves.

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When you learn to connect with your authentic self, you become attuned to your patterns of thinking, the stories you tell yourself repeatedly, your negative and positive behaviors, and your strengths, skills, triggers, and capabilities. You also start to notice your interactions with others and gain a broader understanding of societal dynamics. To fully embrace self-awareness, you must be prepared to face your shadows, confront your fears, and acknowledge your mistakes. This journey demands kindness and compassion for both yourself and others. This is not a one-time achievement but a lifelong journey. It can and will become one of your most exciting and fulfilling endeavors. This journey requires courage and a willingness to face uncomfortable truths about yourself. It involves peeling back the layers of your experiences and conditioning to reveal your authentic self. The first step is recognizing the stories you tell yourself—those ingrained narratives that shape your self-perception and interactions with the world. By examining these stories, you can identify patterns that may no longer serve you and begin to rewrite them in a way that aligns with your true self.

Confronting Your Shadows

Embracing self-awareness means confronting your shadows—the parts of yourself that you may find frightening or difficult to acknowledge. These can include your fears, insecurities, and past mistakes. Facing these aspects of yourself with kindness and compassion is essential. Understand that everyone has shadows that do not define your worth or potential.

As you delve into self-awareness, you will uncover both your strengths and weaknesses. Recognizing your strengths allows you to leverage them in your personal and professional life while acknowledging your weaknesses provides opportunities for growth and improvement.


The more you delve into this inner work, the more you realize its profound impact on every aspect of your life. You start to see the connections between your past experiences and present behaviors, understanding how your childhood traumas have shaped your worldview and interactions with others. This awareness allows you to make more conscious choices, break free from old patterns, and create a life that aligns with your true self.

Self-awareness also enhances your emotional intelligence, enabling you to understand and manage your emotions more effectively. This, in turn, improves your relationships as you become more empathetic and compassionate towards others.

Moreover, self-awareness fosters empathy and compassion. As you become more attuned to your inner world, you better understand the struggles and challenges others face. This empathy strengthens your relationships and enhances your ability to support and uplift those around you.

Empathy is a powerful tool for building meaningful connections. When you understand your own emotions and triggers, you can better relate to the experiences of others. This creates a foundation of trust and mutual respect in your relationships.


Practical Steps to Enhance Self-Awareness

  1. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings helps you identify patterns and gain insights into your behavior.

  2. Mindfulness Practices: Engaging in mindfulness practices, such as meditation, helps you become more present and aware of your thoughts and emotions.

  3. Reading and Learning: Reading books on psychology, self-help, and personal development provides valuable knowledge and perspectives.

  4. Seeking professional help.


In conclusion, embarking on the path to self-awareness is a transformative journey that leads to greater fulfillment and happiness. By exploring and understanding yourself deeper, you unlock your true potential and create a life that reflects your authentic self. This journey of self-discovery and growth is one of the most rewarding endeavors you can undertake, enriching your life in countless ways.

Remember, self-awareness is not a destination but a continuous process. Embrace each step with curiosity and compassion, and you will find that the journey itself is as rewarding as the destination. As you grow in self-awareness, you will discover a more profound connection to yourself and a greater capacity to connect with and support others, leading to a more enriched and fulfilling life.

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In past years, I often felt a deep sense of emptiness and worthlessness in many areas of my life. I knew that I could become more and that I was thriving in many areas, yet I didn’t trust myself. This lack of self-trust made it difficult for me to trust my decisions and choices fully. I constantly sought answers and validation from friends, psychologists, or my coach to help with the decisions I needed to make. It was hard for me


to truly look at myself, trust myself, and completely love myself for who I was.

I struggled to believe that I could accomplish anything I considered taking on. As a result, my self-mistrust and fear of making decisions often led me to let life make important decisions for me.

These learned patterns of behavior and negative thinking stemmed from my childhood trauma. However, the point was not to blame my parents or life experiences. The point was for me to gain self-awareness and be open to learning—I had that “conversation with myself.”

When I decided to take responsibility for my personal growth, I started my journey towards self-acceptance and self-love. This wasn’t a “magic” process. It was very hard, but I was tired of the alternative of prolonging my inner suffering. I knew it was time to start my inner work. Difficult as it was, this conversation with myself was worth it. It brought me to the place where I am today—accepting myself for who I am, trusting and loving myself, and having a more balanced and centered life.

We need to take responsibility for our inner work, including the growth that will allow us to become better versions of ourselves. Through self-awareness, curiosity, asking ourselves questions, facing our shadows, accepting it all, and helping others, we can connect with who we truly are and make the best decisions for ourselves.

Self-awareness and self-acceptance are the starting points for inner transformation. This journey requires us to confront our fears, acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses, and embrace our true selves. It's a process that demands patience, perseverance, and a willingness to face discomfort. Yet, the rewards of this journey are profound: a deeper understanding of ourselves, a greater sense of peace, and the ability to make decisions that align with our true values and desires.


As we navigate this path, we must remember that self-growth is a continuous process. There will be setbacks and challenges, but each step forward brings us closer to a more authentic and fulfilling life. By committing to our personal development, we can break free from the patterns that have held us back and move towards a future where we can thrive.


In conclusion, the journey to self-awareness and self-acceptance is a transformative one. It empowers us to take control of our lives, trust in our abilities, and make choices that reflect our true selves. Embracing this journey opens the door to a more meaningful and enriched existence.

4o

© 2025 Paola Baharav Transformational Coaching, LLC.

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